Divorce is your new reality.

Divorce finally found you anyway.

It is only important in court to blame one of the couple. Whose fault it is, you or your soon-to-be ex-spouse, does not even matters. Anyone can come up with million different reasons to explain the whole situation. So just forget for at least a second about whom to blame and what brought you two to this messed up reality. 

What matters the most is your survival. The first thing you should do is to reset your life and to make a sustainable living condition, right away. You might think that you are so tired and get out of this mess as soon as possible. Perhaps you want some help or seek absolution, and yet you ought to survive first. You should get out of the danger zone and then rest.

As the marriage was a crisis, your divorce might look like a brand-new start. It surely seemed so to me. I decided to get a divorce when everyday of my married life become so shaky and unstable. Right after the divorce, it felt like I was still standing in a burning ground even if I got out of that burning building. I remember, I was staring into the flame for quite a long time.

Your evacuation is the number one mission. Get out of this burning building right now, salvage as many as you can. Figuring out what resources remain to you, eject. You can't shake it. The worst-case scenario, you might have to walk away from your beloved ones. Collateral damages always happen in a divorce unfortunately. Time you spent with your kids, guilt, bitterness of betrayal, financial problems, your reputation, these things are not your priority now.

You have to save yourself first. You must escape and leave to some place safe. Run to the nearest exit you can find. Once you open that door, then leave the scene behind. I am not telling you to forget about a big chunk of your life.

I started a careful autopsy of my failed marriage. It is painful of course, but I recommend you to do so. Your divorce deserves extensive analyses. Let me tell you stories of my cross-examination of my divorce one by one.